make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
