it hurts more in the daytime
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
