Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
