Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
