I'm going to jail i love you
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
