HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
