If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
