Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
