hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
How's work?
Spinning.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
