Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
