He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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