1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
