Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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