Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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