You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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