8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
