Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
