Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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