what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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