so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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