Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
