What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
