It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
