I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
