1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
