sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
