Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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