Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
