I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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