Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
