The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
