do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
