so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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