Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
