I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
