Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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