You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
