can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
