i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
