I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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