I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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