FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
