i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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