honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
