My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
