If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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