wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
