his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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