hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
