the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
