I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
