And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
