Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
