So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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