dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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